Cabin-Fever Induced Ramblings

Day Five - The Great Snowpocalypse of 2013

I was sitting here drinking my umpteenth cup of coffee, waxing philosophical (albeit somewhat cabin-fever-mania induced), thinking about something a good friend said with which I categorically disagree, when it occurred to me: It is possible for me to love someone with whom I do not agree. In fact, can it truly be called "love" if it is never tested? 

Having reared four children past the point of adolescence, I daresay true love requires disagreement, or it is merely a superficial facade based on comfortable transactions. There have been occasions when I have looked into the eyes of these creatures who began their lives in my womb and wondered, "Who ARE you?"  Certainly, I was just the host for this alien life-form who does not share my perfect worldview.  Yet, I love them so deeply it belies common sense of any kind, subjecting myself to compounding wounds of emotion and ego, all for their well being and ultimate melioration.

Therefore, I am certain that loving a person in spite of contention is possible.  In fact, I believe perhaps Jesus intentionally modeled this very point as He walked this planet among the beings created in His image.  He was quite clear when he spoke the entirety of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), and left no room for ambiguity when He stated, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"  If I am commanded to love my enemy, how can I choose to turn my back on a person I consider a friend simply because they utter a belief different from my own?  I cannot.  

Thus, I will love my friends as I love my children, and my husband, and even my enemies, believing that obedience to my Heavenly Father has infinitely more value than protecting my ego or emotions. 

And now...more coffee. 

Called

There are days when I wonder if I'm really a blonde.  This is one of those days.  I had an honest-to-goodness, forehead-slapping, V-8 moment, which, given that I've been suffering with a month-long, intense headache was not smart.  I have never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box.

In Christian circles, we love to use the term "called."  Do you feel "called" to the ministry or the mission field.  Where do you feel "called?"  

What the HECK does that MEAN?????  And does it make me a bad Christian that I don't feel called unless my ring-tone is going off?  

Well, today I read a status update from a famous female author and speaker (whose name rhymes with Choice Buyer).  "God has got you strategically placed somewhere. Stop being so itchy to get away from where you're at and find out if maybe God's got you there for a purpose."  At first I thought, "Of course!  God has us at ISCA.  I need to be happy here at ISCA." (Which I am.)  Easy Peasy!

As the day progressed, however, I have begun to wonder if perhaps the Holy Spirit is whispering something quite different in my heart.  

You see, I've had a severe headache for a little over a month now.  Today I had a lumbar puncture.  I was very scared.  I hate needles, and just the idea of someone sticking one in my back makes me queazy. As I was pscyhing myself up to go through the spinal tap, I listened to "Oceans" by HillsongUnited.  The chorus jumped out at me:

Spirit lead me where my faith is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

The test didn't go quite as well as I had hoped.  They found that my spinal fluid pressure was elevated.  I tried so hard to resist the urge to Google what that could mean, but you know what they say about curiosity and cats...

As I listened to that song again this evening, I had the sudden realization that maybe "calls" aren't always to a place or a job.  Maybe we can be called to suffer.  What if our role in His kingdom is to "praise Him in the storm."  Maybe I'm in a "Yea though I walk through the valley" season of life.

If that's the case (and I don't really know yet)....

How will I respond?

Will I be itchy to get away from here?

Will I live for His purpose?

What will people say about my God by my response?

Will I live up to His call?

Can I truly believe the song when I sing it?

Fairy God-Mothers

Disclaimer:  I love my mother very much, and she loves me. 

I want to be sure I make that perfectly clear before I write this blog.  For those who don't know her or understand her life, what I say next might lead some to think her harsh or unkind.  That is simply not true.  

At the age of 21, I chose to leave the faith in which I was raised.  My mother and step-father are Jehovah's Witnesses.  They are happy to be such, but I was not.  At first I rebelled morally, which was extremely self-destructive.  Later, I was challenged to examine the faith of my biological father, and was surprised to discover that the true person of Jesus Christ was what I'd been looking for my entire life.  He filled the God-shaped hole in my heart like nothing and no one ever had or could.

By choosing to become a member of a church, I knew what I was doing to the relationship with my mother.  I would be disfellowshipped and considered an apostate.  I would be "the dog that returned to its vomit."  Jehovah's Witnesses shun those who choose to leave their fold and are allowed no contact whatsoever.  I was fully aware that by choosing Jesus Christ as God the Son I was drawing that line in the sand over which my mother could not cross.

I miss my mother very much, and I know she misses me.

However, God promised very clearly that He would honor this incredibly difficult decision; 

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.   Matthew 19:29

Today, as I prepared for a meeting held in my home on Thursday afternoons, I was reminded of one answer to that promise, Charlotte Kirk.  

My own mother was an incredible hostess.  She was an excellent example of how to show hospitality to guests, and we had a warm, welcoming home.  As a young person, however, I saw this as unwelcome work, and secretly  (and sometimes not so secretly) resented the effort that went into cleaning and cooking for others.

As a young wife and mother myself, however, I wished I had paid more attention to the logistics of her preparations.  I love having people fill my home, and truly wanted to offer the same haven my mother provided.

Enter Charlotte.  She's a bit younger than my own mother (in case you read this, Charlotte,  you are most definitely NOT old enough to be my mom!), but she possesses the same gift for making people feel welcome that my mother has.  She would get up early in the morning, before going to work, and would bake some special treat for her office mates or for the potluck she'd be attending that night.  Charlotte always had some special yumminess ready and waiting for surprise drop-in guests as well.  Her home was consistently tidy, but not spotless, and she always made time to talk to you, even if it was in the midst of busyness.  She'd just scurry around the kitchen while you sat and enjoyed her hospitality.  Somehow, I never felt like I was imposing.  

I learned so much from Charlotte, not because she did anything different from my own mother, but because I cared to learn it.  As I soaked up all that Charlotte unknowingly taught me, I grew in my own ability to serve through hospitality, and I learned to absolutely adore the effort that goes into maintaining a welcome safe-haven for life-weary friends and strangers (also known as soon-to-be-friends).  There is very little that makes me happier than baking a batch of cookies or vacuuming a rug and fluffing pillows in preparation for potential drop-in friends.  My door is always open, and this is in no small part thanks to my God-mothers like Charlotte Kirk, Mary-Lou Money, Fran Miller, Dorothy Hake, Betty DeHaas...and so many more...hundreds, in fact, just like the promise says.

It is an honor to now be in the season in which I find myself.  I have become a spiritual mother, and next week I will add a new daughter to my family.  Thanks to my own mother and all those mothers God has given me, I am excited to be that older woman who can take the younger under her wing.  

Living in a State of Yes

Right now I am right where I'm supposed to be.  I have no doubts that God put us in ISCA house.  To move here, we had to make a financial decision.  I went on and on ad nauseam about this decision in previous blog posts.  To make is short and sweet, we were willing to give up everything in order to be financially ready to say "YES" to anything God might have for us.

Another topic I whine about eternally is having to give up certain foods: gluten, sugar, eggs.  What never occurred to me until this week is that there is no difference between my reasons for giving up my dream home and giving up those foods.  I thought they were very different, but like everything else on this spinning rock, its ALL about God.

Every so often, when i take a minute to actually listen during prayer instead of just running my trap, God says something to me.  Last week, as I was so exasperated about taking metformin and all the less than pleasant side-effects that go with it, I asked Him, "Dad...why can't I have what I want?"  I didn't have anything else to say about that, so I just sat quietly.  The answer that was given to me made so much sense, but was so difficult to hear nonetheless.  "Why was it so easy for you to give up material things, but so impossible for you to give up food?  What if I give you a path to take, but you can't because your health won't allow it?  Either you live in a state of YES, or you don't."

I don't know what God has in store for us.  I don't know if we'll stay here with ISCA forever or if He'll one day lead us in another direction.  All I know for sure is that I want to say YES to anything He brings our way.  If that means eating less sugar, avoiding gluten, being careful with eggs, and getting off my butt to burn a few calories, so be it.  He IS worth it.  Here I am, Lord, send me!

IKEA Bins in the Shire

Back when my kiddos were wee little critters we had a bit of a toy explosion issue.  I had enough sense to realize these little people couldn't tidy a room up to "mom standards,"  but I did want to be able to see the floor from time to time.  On a trip to IKEA one Saturday afternoon, I made a wonderful discovery...the Trofast toy storage system.

During those early childhood years, my only requirement was, "All toys must be in a bin before bedtime."  (Sometimes they even accomplished this!)  As they got older, and one of my children developed a deep love for all things organized, the bins were labeled and each type of toy had its own little home.  (Sometimes they even accomplished THIS!)

When we started homeschooling, the bins took on a new purpose, and various subjects and experiments and crafts had their own special place.

As the kids made their way into the public school system, the bins found their way into multiple rooms, and were used for jewelry, sports equipment, make up, accessories, secret hiding places for letters from girlfriends (shhhh, don't tell that I know).  

Now that the kids are grown up and moving into their own homes, I was tempted to send the bins with them.  However, I've grown so accustomed to their usefulness, that I just couldn't give them up quite yet.  They've taken on a new role in our humble abode:  Craft and Comfort Central.

Today I bought these ADORABLE shoes (don't worry there really is a bridge to help you cross this logic leap.)

But my feet look...well, lets just say I took a picture of my tootsies and decided there are just some things that don't need to be shared.

I walked over to my handy-dandy wall of crafts and comfort, and grabbed my foot repair bin. (ahhhh, there's the bridge...see, its not THAT random)

Add a little hot water to the bin, stir in the peppermint epsom salt, soak while I blog about my bins and feet and other strange-but-true facts, scrub like a mad woman with the pumice stone, and voila!  I  am no longer afraid of being mistaken for a Baggins!  (Consult a Lord of the Rings nerd if you need to know what that means.)

I'll never be a foot model, nor would I care to be one, and my cankles leave a bit to be desired, but thanks to my grown up IKEA bins, any time I want a little foot pampering, all I have to do is grab the bin and soak my way to peace and prettiness.

Oh...and because no blog is complete without the requisite Bible reference:

Its rather ironic that my Bible reading today was Romans 10.

Romans 10:14-15

The Voice (VOICE)

Faith is not something we do. It is a response to what God has done already on our behalf, the response of a spirit restless in a fragmented world.

14 How can people invoke His name when they do not believe? How can they believe in Him when they have not heard? How can they hear if there is no one proclaiming Him? 15 How can some give voice to the truth if they are not sent by God? As Isaiah said, “Ah, how beautiful the feet of those who declare the good news of victory, of peace and liberation.

Logs, Boats and Helicopters

Once upon a time...

There was a man who lived beside a river.  One dark afternoon the rains began, and as the next morning rolled around, the river began to creep closer and closer to his house.  By the time the sun was setting again, the waters were on his porch.  He began to pray, "God, please save me from this flood."  All through the night the waters rose, and by the next sunrise, the man was on his roof.  He pleaded with God, "Father, oh please, I know you are all powerful.  I know you will save me from this flood!"

A little while later another man, sitting on a large log, floated close to the house, and he called up, "HEY!  This log can hold two.  Climb down and lets float to safety."  The first gentleman looked a the precarious log and called back, "Thanks, but God is going to save me!"  So off the log went.

The waters rose a little higher, and a guy in a row boat came along.  "Hey!" the guy called out, "Climb down and get in my boat.  We can row to safety together."  The man on the roof thought about how hard it would be to row that boat through the debris filled flood waters and called back, "Thanks, but I prayed, and I know God is going to save me."  And the waters continued to rise.  The man was a little scared, but he had faith.

So when the helicopter pilot spotted him and hovered over his house, shouting through the megaphone, "Sir, we're going to lower this rope.  Grab hold and we'll carry you to safety,"  the man on the roof bravely called back, "My God is all powerful, he calmed the storm and walked on water.  I believe that He alone will save me!"  And the waters rose higher still.

Finally, as the man clung desperately to the very top of his chimney and felt his grip becoming looser and looser, he cried out one last time, "Oh God.  You alone are the creator of the river and the rain!  I prayed to you and with all my heart I believed you would save me.  Why have you forsaken me?!"  And God called back, "I sent you a log, a boat and a helicopter....what more do you want?!"

In June of 2012 we made the decision to put our house on the market and prepare to move into a campus ministry house for international students.  We prayed, "Oh God, we know you will sell our house."  In August 2012, we took a step of faith and moved out of our beautiful home and into ISCA house.  We prayed, "Oh God, you have clearly worked in all of our real estate dealings.  We know you will sell our house."

In January 2013 we looked at our dwindling savings account and we decided to contact a property management company to lease our house.  We prayed, "Oh God, you must not want us to sell the house, so we'll get someone else to help us."  Ten days later, the company cancelled our contract because we wouldn't pay for the incredibly expensive insurance they required.  We were angry and hurt, but we prayed, "Okay God, you obviously want us to be patient so you can sell the house without a realtor and save us some money," so we listed For-Sale-By-Owner.

In mid February we were contacted by another ministry interested in trading ISCA house for our house.  We prayed, "Thank you God!  We knew you would sell our house!  We have strength to hold on a little longer."

 In March we were contacted by someone interested in leasing the house, but we said, "Thanks, but God is going to sell our house."  In May a couple looked at the house and then offered to lease it.  We of course replied, "Thanks, but our God is all powerful, and he wants to free us from this house."

On June 3 the ministry said, "Sorry...we can't trade houses.  The numbers just don't work."  We prayed, "Father, you created all things and you own the camels on a thousand hills.  You can save us from drowning under the weight of this mortgage."

On Wednesday, June 5, I received a phone call from a man interested in our house.  "I was given your number by (the property management company that made us so mad in January).  We have rented from them for years, but the house is no longer structurally sound, and we have to move out.  They thought you might be willing to lease to us long term."  And we prayed, "Thank you, God, for the helicopter!!!!!"

As is usually the case, I had a plan.  I expected God to do what I wanted him to do.  I was ready to say, "Well done, good and faithful God!" as he fulfilled my expectations.

He had other plans.  Plans that I don't think I fully understand.  Plans that I know are bigger than what I see on the surface.  Plans that bring Him glory and will fill me with awe and wonder.  As I hang onto the rope and the helicopter lifts me away from the stress of the tens of thousands of dollars we've paid for that house to sit empty, I am so very thankful for his continued faithfulness.  I am excited about what the future holds.  I'm enjoying the view from God's helicopter : )

I'm Married to a Grown Up

Today is a big day.  Today a very important person hits the half-a-century point in his existence.  My devastatingly handsome husband is the Big 5-0.

I could sit here and type the usual, "How did we get here so fast?" cliches.  The truth is, the Bible makes it abundantly clear just how short our puny, little lives are. 

Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. Ps 103:15

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. James 4:14

How frail is humanity! How short is life, how full of trouble!  Job 14:1

Remember how short my life is, how empty and futile this human existence!  Ps 89:47

It is no surprise that we blink and suddenly a saggy stranger is staring back at us in the mirror.  (What a happy, cheerful birthday post!  You can practically hear the zippity-doo-da playing in the background!)  

However, let me tell you what I see when I look at the man who has occupied my heart for 24 of his 50 years.  

When we met, he had a 5, 10, 15 year plan.  He knew how much money he wanted to make by specific ages.  Today, he has a plan for right now..."Love Jesus, Love others."  

Twenty four years ago he had a check list for what he needed to do to be a good Christian.  Today he lives in a constant state of "yes" to Jesus and lets Christ dictate what that looks like.  

Way back in the day, his bucket list included many material things and financial dreams.  Today, he is blessed to be a blessing and no longer wants to spend his retirement managing his blessings but wants to serve his God and to help take Jesus' glory to the nations.

My husband is a grown up Global Christian, and I have been incredibly privileged to be along for the ride.  So when I read those scary verses about how fleeting our brief time on this planet is, I am so, so, SO happy to know that my True Love is truly living his life to the fullest.  

But now that you’ve found you don’t have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put-together life right now, with more and more of life on the way! Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death. But God’s gift is real life, eternal life, delivered by Jesus, our Master.  Romans 6:22-23

I LOVE YOU!!!!