So often when I start thinking about the events in my life and the way I think they should play out, deep down in my psyche I wonder if God is happy enough with me to make things turn out the way I want them to.
When things are going well, in my heart of hearts I believe that I have been doing things right. I've been having my quiet time. I've been praying. I might have even done something really nice for someone else.
I'm probably alone in this, but when times are tough, I find myself secretly thinking, "Okay, God, I know there's a lesson that I'm supposed to be learning. Please help me learn it quickly, so I can move out of this yuckiness and get back to the blessings."
If I want God to do something, my first thought is, "What do I need to be doing?"
I'm all about the transactions.
The truth is, the only thing I bring to the table in my relationship with God is need. All He wants...all He has ever wanted...is relationship. He has never asked me for anything, yet true faith requires I give Him everything. Its not a formula: Give God All + Share God's Blessings = Happy Life. Its more like this: God Gave All x God Blessed Us = Eternal Life. Even that doesn't really convey how little I have to do with it.
I pray that one day I will look around at my life, whether it is a time of comfort or pain, and rather than first think, "I was good or not good" I will say, "God is good....and I have to tell people about it." I want to be transformed.
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