Release

This blog is about my life as a Believer in Christ.  I would like it to all be sunshine and roses, but it isn't.  Sometimes my posts are about sin and its results.  This is one of those days.

I am the result of a union that should never have occurred.  A man and a woman met and wed, had a horrible marriage, and an even uglier divorce.  It would have been better if we could have said, "Well, at least they didn't have any children."  However, they did.

I have spent many years and even more tears wishing my parents were different.  I have tried over and over to be what they want, but what they want isn't possible.  I cannot be the child of a different mother.  I cannot be unborn.  I cannot change the fact that I am a constant reminder of a painful mistake.

What I can do is show mercy and grace and stop trying to make my parents accept me.  I can remove myself from their lives, so they don't have to try and fail over and over to love me.  I can take away an obstacle to an otherwise comfortable life.  I cause pain, and I don't want to anymore.  I recognize that I have been selfish in wanting an impossible relationship, so I am releasing them and their spouses from any sense of obligation.

I believe my parents know the truth; that its not my fault I was born.  They know that I can't help who I am.  They know they should love me and accept me.  The truth, however, does not make me more lovable or any less a scar on their hearts.

Thus, I am moving on.  I am choosing to forgive my parents for having me, but not really wanting me or knowing how to love me.  How can I fault them for being incapable of looking past their own regrets.  To truly love and accept me, they would have to forgive each other and themselves.  Self-forgiveness requires a heart change, and I am simply not responsible for changing hearts.

I believe my Heavenly Father wants me.  I believe He does love me.  I believe He accepts me.  I believe that same love is available for my parents.  Jesus is proof enough that we are lovable. 

I do not have a song for this post.  There is no music to express this.