I Am Not Enough

Every day that I live in this wonderful place, one thing stands out in my mind...

I AM RIDICULOUSLY INADEQUATE FOR THIS ROLE!!!!!

One thing is certain, if anything positive happens in this house, it is 100%, bonafide, tried and true from God.  I can make a house pretty.  I can make a house feel homey.  I'm even okay at  ensuring people feel welcome here.  What I can't do is heal the hurts of the lovely young women who share this home with me.  I would give anything to be able to do that.

I have spent enough time on this planet to realize, however, that Jesus is enough to heal any hurt.  He is enough to sooth any sorrow.  He is enough...

So every morning I sit here on my little red loveseat in my tiny living room with my cup of coffee listening to the high school band practice, and I take each one of these ladies to my Heavenly Father.  I set them in His big comfy Dad lap and plead with Him to hold them, to make them feel safe, to let them feel loved, to pour peace over them, to fill them with joy.

That's all I can do.

There are days, when I feel
The best of me, is ready to begin.
Then there are days, when I feel
I'm letting go, and soaring on the wind;
But I've learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive.

And I get on my knees,
I get on my knees.
There I am before the Lord that changes me.
See, I don't know how but there's power
When I'm on my knees.

I can be in a crowd, or by myself
Or almost anywhere;
When I feel, there's a need to talk with God.
He is Emmanuel!
When I close my eyes, no darkness there,
There's only light.

When I get on my knees,
When I get on my kness.
There I am before the lord that changes me.
See, I don't know how but there's power
In the blue sky.
I don't know how but there's power
In the midnight.
I don't know how but there's power
When I'm on my knees.

I get on my knees.
I get on my knees.
There I am before the Lord that changes me.
I don't know how but there's power.
I don't know how but God gives me power.
I don't know how but there's power,
When I'm on my knees.

I am a Mom

I've been trying to put together a blog, complete with pictures, of our new home at the one-month mark.  Seeing as how it is now six weeks since we moved, I'd say its time to start working on the two-month blog.  Oh well.

In the meantime, I've had a couple of revelations lately, and considering that I'm sitting here with a giant mug of pumpkin spice coffee, I figured I'd take minute to jot them down.

Back in the day when all my wee ones were...well....wee, I was a stay-at-home mom.  I enjoyed it, but as the kids got a little older and more self-sufficient, I began pondering that age -old question, "Is this really all there is?"  I simply didn't feel very important.

Somewhere in a box in our storage unit (the 10x10 unit; not the 3000 sq/ft storage unit we are still trying to sell) sits an old book I completed when I was 8 years old.  The title of this relic is, "My Book About Me," and in it are all sorts of questions about my likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams.  At the ripe old age of eight, I declared that I wanted to be a Mom when I grew up.  At eight years of age, however, "Mom" doesn't necessarily imply what that word truly entails.

All I knew was that Moms are awesome!  I didn't truly understand that the job title of "Mom" actually means maid, chauffer, cook, nurse, teacher, personal shopper, etc, etc.  I just knew that everyone loves their Mom, and I wanted to be loved.

As the four little people who called me "Mom" grew up, I recognized that I was working myself out of a job, and I desperately wanted to be acknowledged and necessary.  I wanted people to appreciate all I had to offer, so I did what any reasonable person would do:  I got a job (outside the home).

And here's what I learned during the couple of decades I've spent working in administration:  I am a very good Mom.  Now I'm not saying I'm not a good administrator.  I'm okay at that, too.  The thing that brings me joy, however, is nurturing people and providing them with a safe, cozy, warm, loving environment to call home.

Do you want to hear the most amazing part of this epiphany?  God knows this about me, and He took me out of a career in which I was merely competent, and gave me the desire of my heart.  By simply obeying His leading, I am doing that which brings me the greatest happiness.

Until this point on my journey my eyes would not have been open to this.  My heart simply wasn't prepared to accept that "Mom" is what I was created to be.  Here I am, though...a Mom away from home to many young ladies (and gentlemen to a certain extent), and I am loving every minute of it.   My God is so good to me!