Psalm 63

For a bunch of different reasons, our family has decided to take a break from our regular worship service on Sunday and visit other worship services for the summer.  Its kinda weird going to church where I was the administrator for a couple of years, but I'm not involved in any of the day-to-day operations anymore.  We also want to start networking for ISCA...meet people in other congregations and make sure international students are on their radar screen.  So, we're taking a couple of months off and will be back to our regular programming in September.

There is nowhere else on the planet that I feel closer to God than in His natural cathedral, so we decided to kick off the summer with a family hike out to Hawksbill Crag.  We'd seen pictures of this glorious site, but had never made the trek ourselves.

The hike to the crag is mostly downhill for @ 1.5 miles.  We got out to the crag, and had it all to ourselves for at least an hour.  We took pictures, admired God's creation, talked and prayed about what this new ministry will mean to our family.  We discussed the very real enemy who doesn't want us to reach these international students.  One way he'll try to wear us down is through our relationships with each other, so we determined to set aside one hour per week to talk and pray together after dinner.  It was such a sweet time.

 

Then came the hike back.  I'm not sure any of us really understood just how hot it was going to be that day.  The hike back was uphill the whole way, and we had underestimated just how much water we would need.  Eric and Claudia moved ahead of us quickly, and Eric asked for the keys, so they could get into the car at the top of the hill.  Rick and I trudged our way back up the mountain, taking several pitstops along the  way.  We ran out of water, and were seriously sucking wind when we approached the top.  Both of us were chanting, "Water...water!" as we spied the car.

But the kids were nowhere to be seen, and the car was locked.

It is not beyond the realms of possibility for Eric to hide and make us search for him, but that made no sense given the water and A.C. were in that car.  We called for the kids with no response.  Rick and I spotted a cooler in the bed of a pick up truck, and were incredibly tempted to see if there was any water we could "borrow."  Finally, we heard the kids coming.  They had taken a wrong turn and had to loop around.  We were all completely parched.  We were so thirsty that we even drank some of the melted ice in the cooler!

On the drive back, I promised a double scoop of ice cream to whoever could find the verse in the Bible that talked about God being like water in a dry and weary land.  After several attempts, we came across Psalm 63.  We decided this would be our "go-to" verse when things get tough.  We'll think back and remember how we couldn't wait to get that car open and have some water, and recall that we need to feel that same way about our Father.  Only when we thirst for Him in the same way we craved that water will we be on the right path...nothing else matters but our relationship with Him and His glory.  (BTW, Claudia won the ice cream, but she offered it to Eric...so of course I go them both a double scoop : )

Out on the crag, surrounded by so much beauty, I couldn't help but sing,

O Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the world Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,

I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout

The universe displayed...

The Sign is in the Yard!

Holy Cannoli!  There's a for-sale sign in my yard!  Oh sure, we've been doing all the "get ready to sell your house" stuff.  We've gone through every nook and cranny in the house looking for crap to try to sell to someone else who doesn't really need it either.  We've had the yard sale (which really is the most bizarre custom.  Let's get real here: Who decided taking all the junk from your house and putting it on your lawn, inviting strangers to come rifle through it was good behavior for civilized society? I drew the line at the old bra's and underwear.  Just couldn't handle the idea of my neighbors handling my delicates on the lawn.)  We got a storage unit and have stored away all of the "unnecessary" furnishings and personal decorations...which begs the question, if it's unnecessary, why do we still have it?!  We've scrubbed, stripped, touched-up, torn down, filled in, and rearranged every square inch of this house.

Yet, I don't think any of this was real until that sign was hammered into our front lawn.  There it sits...a visual reminder that our lives are about to radically change.

I am in no way doubting that becoming the housing managers for ISCA is the right decision.  Last night we received the official invitation to take the position.  Kevin Smith and the Skinners (current housing managers) both related their stories of how God worked to bring us to ISCA.  It is abundantly clear that this is all His doing.

No...I'm not doubting that God wants us there.  I think I'm doubting that I'm worthy...yeah, that's it...I am so incredibly unqualified to be used this way.  I am just not holy enough.   Let's look at the facts:

1.  Sometimes, I just don't get up early and have a quiet time.
2.  I regularly get distracted during prayers, and have a very hard time sitting still for those long, extended prayer times that truly holy people engage in.
3.  I like a lot of secular music.
4.  I've been known to tell an off-color joke every now and then...and I laugh way too loud when I hear them, too
5.  I have also been known to have a glass of wine, and the occasional margarita (and fuzzy navel, and mud slide, and srewdriver, and...)
6.  Sometimes I get down right ticked off and think (and will actually voice) unkind and judgmental thoughts.
7.  (And this one's the clincher) I really, really, really don't like bread dipped in grape juice.  In fact, it makes me gag.

I am so scared of messing up.  I am terrified of not being or doing the right thing.  I'm just a weak, frail girl who makes lots of mistakes...and its going to be obvious that I don't know how to do this.

Thank God that HE is my strength, and I can only do this through HIM.  This will definitely not be me...its all Him.

And I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing, but I will overcome, yeah

Chorus:
O Lord I'm strong in You, O Lord I am wise in You
O Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I'm loved by You, O Lord I am free in you
O Lord I'm complete in You
So I will overcome, I will overcome, I will overcome

Bridge:
God listen to me shout, I'm so far from anywhere and I'm calling out
Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You're my breath, You're my breath, You're my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love

Military Intelligence

In the midst of everything going on in our lives, our second son has been attending the University of Arkansas and has been part of the Air Force ROTC program.  He turned down a rather hefty band scholarship, that he was awarded due to his incredible saxophone skills, in order to pursue a scholarship with the AFROTC.  He also changed his major from music composition to computer engineering, hoping this would also help him obtain the scholarship and better serve his dream of serving as an officer in the US Air Force.

In January, Eric found out that he was approved for the scholarship.  He was so excited, and I was so happy for him.  Of course, he had to go through the routine physical and background check.  No problem, right?

Wrong.

When Eric was young, he would get a rash on the inside of his elbows and knees.  It usually occurred when it was hot outside.  As any good mother would do, I took him to the doctor.  It was treated and cleared up quickly.  It recurred a couple of time, so we'd treat it again, and it would go away again.  After age 11, he has had no recurrences at all.

Because of this history, Eric was denied the scholarship and was told that he was not approved for military service.  He applied for a waiver, which was also denied.

Today, his commanding officer told him it was over.  He was not going to be able to pursue his dream of serving his country in the military.

I am upset, of course, because it always hurts to see your child's dreams taken away.  I'm also upset because of just how stupid this is.  They give fully automatic weapons to young men and women with severe mental health diagnoses and ship them off to other countries.  They put lots of men and women in harms way every single day...I mean, lets get real:  the threat of someone shooting off a limb seems a little more serious than the threat of a rash.

But here's the cool part.  When I asked Eric how he was doing, he said he was okay.  The summer of 2013 had been slated for his basic training.  Now that he knows next summer is free, he plans to be an intern in Honduras with Mercy International.  In his disappointment, he turned to Christ and to service.
I couldn't be more proud and pleased if he was a four star general.

So, even though I think the military pulled a seriously bone-headed move by denying themselves an amazing young leader, I know God has a perfect plan for him, and I'm so excited to watch it unfold.

Transformation

"The Christian life is about transformation not transactions."  That sounds so simple and so basic.  So why is it so difficult for me to get my brain wrapped around it?

So often when I start thinking about the events in my life and the way I think they should play out, deep down in my psyche I wonder if God is happy enough with me to make things turn out the way I want them to.

When things are going well, in my heart of hearts I believe that I have been doing things right.  I've been having my quiet time.  I've been praying.  I might have even done something really nice for someone else.

I'm probably alone in this, but when times are tough, I find myself secretly thinking, "Okay, God, I know there's a lesson that I'm supposed to be learning.  Please help me learn it quickly, so I can move out of this yuckiness and get back to the blessings."

If I want God to do something, my first thought is, "What do I need to be doing?"

I'm all about the transactions.

The truth is, the only thing I bring to the table in my relationship with God is need.  All He wants...all He has ever wanted...is relationship.  He has never asked me for anything, yet true faith requires I give Him everything.  Its not a formula:  Give God All + Share God's Blessings = Happy Life. Its more like this: God Gave All x God Blessed Us = Eternal Life.  Even that doesn't really convey how little I have to do with it.

I pray that one day I will look around at my life, whether it is a time of comfort or pain, and rather than first think, "I was good or not good" I will say, "God is good....and I have to tell people about it."  I want to be transformed.

Forgive and Protect

What does it really mean to forgive someone seventy times seven times?  I mean seriously...what does that look like?  At what point do you say to yourself, "Enough is enough."

And what about the whole "forgive and forget" thing?  How does that work?  At what point does thoughtless, hurtful behavior turn the corner and become abuse?  And when do you remove yourself from the path of an abuser?

I understand the freedom of forgiveness.  I've heard all the catchy little phrases, and seen all the pictures about it on facebook.  I realize I am the one who benefits by forgiving someone who has hurt me.  It isn't really for the person by whom I've been wronged.

I am also in touch with my own sin and my need for forgiveness.  I've memorized the Lord's Prayer, too, and I get that I'm to forgive as I have been forgiven.  However, I'm not really certain my loving Heavenly father really wants me to keep putting myself in the position to be hurt over and over and over.

I have taken several "spiritual gift" tests and I always score very high on the Mercy scale.  I do forgive a lot, and usually quite quickly, but that doesn't mean I don't question this as well.  I have some folks I am in the process of forgiving, but I just don't know if I want to forgive and forget this time.  Maybe its time to forgive and protect instead?