Yes-No- Maybe So

There are certain moments in my life when I look around and say to myself (and God), "What the HECK?!!!!"

This week I was once again thinking about all that Jesus has done to get me to the point that I am willing to say YES to whatever God brings my way.  For the longest time, I know opportunities were presented, but I chose to say NO...or on a good day, I'd say MAYBE later.

Now, I find myself in this place where I want to say YES to everything...but there's this whole "time-space-continuum" thing holding me back.  For each of us there is the good, the better and the best.  Figuring out which is which is stinkin' hard!

Right now, in my life, I am the choir booster president for my daughter's class.  That's good.  I'm the coordinator for a Perspectives class.  That's better.  But for us, I think the international student ministry we're part of is the best at this point in life.

I'm in this horrible spot of having to choose to give up the good and the better to be fully engaged in the best.  This is SO tough!!!  I want to do it all.

The good news is, my daughter graduates this year, so giving up choir boosters will be expected and really easy.

Giving up Perspectives is really difficult, though.  I just love that class, and I just love the students.  But that time-space thing keeps getting in my way.  All the time and labor intensive moments of coordinating and planning a Perspectives class happen to hit at the exact same times that new international students are arriving on campus.  I can't really be fully involved with the students...going to orientation events, helping them find housing, taking them to Wal-Mart and thrift stores to furnish their new places, hosting their first meals in an American home...when I also have so much Perspectives responsibilities at the same time.

Never once, in all of my Christian life, did it occur to me that saying YES to God would be the easy part, and saying NO to a ministry would be so difficult.  MAYBE I need to realize that God is perfectly capable of raising up another servant to say YES to Perspectives, SO I can focus on these students...

Like I've said in the past, there's almost always a song playing in my head.  For some reason, this one keeps coming to mind as I try to figure out when to say YES and when to say NO.  (hopefully you'll recognize that my mind doesn't always come up with perfectly Godly songs that deal with the issues ideally. Nope, sometimes there's just one line in a song that seems to fit, and my brain goes with it ; )

Wuv...Twue Wuv

Yesterday I stopped into a local pawn shop to see what sorts of deals I could find on some items.  While I was looking around, I spotted the jewelry display case that was practically overflowing with engagement and wedding rings.  How sad.  Sitting there amidst the only building in NWA that smells smokier than a single's bar were the pathetic, shiny remnants of failed relationships.

It made me wonder, why are Rick and I still together?  We have been through some MAJOR crap, let me tell you.  The details don't really matter, but suffice it to say our marriage has taken some pretty major hits.  Somehow, our love has grown stronger when others would have called it quits.

In all honesty, it really has more to do with Jesus than anything we've done, but I thought I might try to explain how I feel about this man that I share my life with.

First and foremost, when I met Rick Hall, I knew he was not my type.  Oh sure, he's devastatingly handsome, but he had no tattoos, his jacket was not leather, and his vehicle had not only four wheels but four doors as well!  Rick Hall was the quintessential yuppie, and I...was not.  Still, there was something about him that made me stop and think, "That is a good man."  I made the decision to get to know him better, even though there weren't "fireworks" at first.  (Trust me, fireworks that take a little more time to set up...those are worth waiting for!)  

Each time we've hit a major obstacle in our marital bliss, we've made the decision to look to God for the solution, and to cling to each other for mutual support.  Jesus is the only answer, but He gave me this sweet man to walk through this life with.  When everything hits the fan, Rick takes my hand while Jesus takes the wheel.  I do my very best not to expect anything else.

Probably the very best thing about our marriage is the laughter.  This may come as a shock, but sometimes...every so often....the fireworks show is just too stinking exhausting to even think about!  Its during those times, when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, that a good laugh is all it takes to realign the planets and bring balance to the universe again.  No one can make me laugh like this quiet man can.  After 23 years together, there are a BUNCH of inside jokes, too.  When life wears us out, we make the decision to tickle each other's funny bones, instead of the "other" tickling...

I don't know the stories behind each of those rings in that smoky pawn shop, but I do know that the ring on my finger, that's been resized a couple of times, that doesn't get polished all that often, that sometimes sits in the jewelry box so it won't get in the way...that ring is on my finger because every day I make the decision to love my husband, and he decides to love me.  Warts and all : )

Minor Adjustments

Recently I helped teach our 16 year old daughter to drive..including how to park.  At our house, there are three cars that park side-by-side in a relatively small space.  Teaching her how to wedge a car between two other vehicles took patience and lots of backing up, straightening up, and trying again.

Last week, I applied that same concept to my attitude.  In my last post, I whined on and on about "my" plans for "my" time and "my" finances.  Then, on Thursday night, Todd Ahrend spoke to our Perspectives on the World Christian Movement group about God's mandate for His children.  My goal isn't to accomplish my plans for His kingdom.  No, my purpose is to be open to HIS plans...whatever those may be.

So, I backed up, straightened up, and I'm trying again.  Today, I want to say to God, "Anything, Any time, Anywhere."

In my very finite mind, I think that selling that house will give me the freedom to say that to God.  The truth is, I can say it right now, this very moment, regardless of my financial situation.

Let Me Give More!

Maybe its the rain on the roof or the mid-winter doldrums, but I'm feeling a little down-in-the-dumpsy today.

I just finished reading a devotional all about slowing down our lives and noticing the people around us.  I'm not sure I can adequately convey how much I want to do that more.  More and more I find myself stuck up here in our little apartment working on all the various things I do outside of ISCA, when all I really want to do is have girls over to knit or teach to cook or just hang out.  I want to walk up to campus and grab coffee with them.  I want to take them to the library or grab a movie or .... whatever!  I want to be available.

But I CAN'T, and its killing me.

Every day I pray, "God, there are so many things I want to do for your kingdom with the money we are spending on that big empty house.  There is so much I want to do with my time for your kingdom instead of working to pay the bills because we still have that big empty house."

Why is He making me wait?  Why can't I do this stuff now?  I just want to share His love with my time and finances.  Isn't that the right thing?  Isn't that what I'm taught in Perspectives?  Isn't that what Scripture says to do?  I am literally ACHING to give that money away and to spend all my time on Him and His people.

Why is He postponing this?  What is He up to?