So, I've been trying to focus on what I know as opposed to what I don't know. When all is said and done, and you boil the cabbage all the way down, it isn't so much "what" I know as "who" I know.
I know my Father, my Savior, my Power.
I can read Scripture and know about Him...and I do that (not always as often as I would like, but I do spend time in God's Word.) I can listen to messages about God...and I do that, too. I can listen to songs...you know I do that! I can watch movies, read expository books, admire creation and art...there are so many ways to learn about God.
But the way I truly know my God is by talking to Him, listening to Him, watching how He moves, and remembering His faithfulness throughout my life and the lives of those I meet. I have kept a prayer journal in the past, and am now keeping this blog, and I love to go back and read them, recalling the thoughts and emotions during the highs and lows of my circumstances.
The thing that comes through is that I am so very quick to doubt and become desperate, and He is so constant and true. He is always on my side. He never abandons me. He is like the father that puts you on the bicycle without the training wheels and runs along behind the bike...he's there to catch you, but he knows you need that sense of freedom and accomplishment. He does not want me to fail or suffer, but he knows sometimes its the only way I learn, so he backs up and lets me live. When I mess up, he's right there. He wants me to ask him for help, but he's there whether I ask or not. When I'm tired, he rocks me to sleep or he gives me his strength to get through. When I'm overwhelmed, he sings over me and gives me peace. When my heart is broken, he sits with me and listens, letting me cry on his chest and listen to his unfailing heartbeat. When I'm thirsty, he quenches my need. When I am overjoyed, he hugs me and smiles with me. When I'm lost, he takes my hand and guides me home.
My God is my best friend, my father, my big brother, my truest companion. He is the first person I talk to in the morning, and the last one I whisper to at night. He is everything to me.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
What do I Know?
One thing I know for sure....there are a LOT of songs about God's faithfulness. I could post a new song every day for a year! In fact, we could probably write songs about God's amazing faithful love for the rest of eternity and never exhaust the topic.
I know: God is good and all His works are perfect. God works out all circumstances for our good and His glory. God is wise; He knows what is best. God is infinite; He has no boundaries. God is holy: everything He does is righteous and pure. God is omniscient; nothing surprises Him.
But what do I really know? He is so much more than my finite, mortal, foolish mind can possibly comprehend. I can quote God's attributes all day long, but that doesn't really speak to what I know...deep in my gut...down past the intellect...down where my spirit meets the sidewalk. Tomorrow, I will address who my God is...to me.
I know: God is good and all His works are perfect. God works out all circumstances for our good and His glory. God is wise; He knows what is best. God is infinite; He has no boundaries. God is holy: everything He does is righteous and pure. God is omniscient; nothing surprises Him.
But what do I really know? He is so much more than my finite, mortal, foolish mind can possibly comprehend. I can quote God's attributes all day long, but that doesn't really speak to what I know...deep in my gut...down past the intellect...down where my spirit meets the sidewalk. Tomorrow, I will address who my God is...to me.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What I Know
While we were in Florida, one of my housemates read a devotional written by a woman who's husband might not live. She faced so many unknowns and fear because of them. She decided to write down what she didn't know and then what she did know. I'm going to try that, too.
What I don't know: How am I going to be paid after April 8? When will I be assigned a ministry account, so I can fund raise and be paid? How will I pay my bills? Is this spiritual attack or is this God closing a door?
What I do know: God is faithful: His mercies are new every morning. He loves me so much that He gave His only Son for me. God loves the nations:: He has mandated that I play my part in making disciples in every nation. At Grace Church, I could be part of mobilizing a couple of hundred people. At Perspectives I can be part of mobilizing several thousand every year. God is the Creator of the Universe; He is powerful. God owns the camels on a thousand hills; He has unlimited resources. The good work God began in me will be completed.
I think I'll spend the next couple of blogs adding to this list. I'd love it if my friends could remind me of more things we know! He's Always Been Faithful to Me.
What I don't know: How am I going to be paid after April 8? When will I be assigned a ministry account, so I can fund raise and be paid? How will I pay my bills? Is this spiritual attack or is this God closing a door?
What I do know: God is faithful: His mercies are new every morning. He loves me so much that He gave His only Son for me. God loves the nations:: He has mandated that I play my part in making disciples in every nation. At Grace Church, I could be part of mobilizing a couple of hundred people. At Perspectives I can be part of mobilizing several thousand every year. God is the Creator of the Universe; He is powerful. God owns the camels on a thousand hills; He has unlimited resources. The good work God began in me will be completed.
I think I'll spend the next couple of blogs adding to this list. I'd love it if my friends could remind me of more things we know! He's Always Been Faithful to Me.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Miles to Go Before I Sleep!
Last week I spent the week in the most unreal place on earth...Orlando, FL! For months on end my husband, youngest daughter, exchange student (aka "daughter for the year") and I worked in concessions stands at Arkansas Razorback basketball games in order to raise the necessary funds to take part in this amazing trip with the exchange student program. It was fantastic and worth every revolting hotdog we cooked and sold.
The only part the was just a bit rough was the drive. On the way down, we drove straight through for twenty hours. I did more than my share of head-bobbing, and am pretty amazed that I made it without causing a 20 car pile up on the interstate. The trip back was made in two days, but wore me out, too.
The good thing about all that driving in a car with two girls that just don't talk much is that I had a lot of time to think and pray. You see, I always thought that when a person senses a calling from God on their life, that they would run with an open heart and hands to that calling without a single care in the world. I was very, very wrong about that. I cannot even count the times I have second guessed this decision to join Perspectives and to trust that God will provide the funds for me to do this ministry through His people. I go back and forth, sometimes on an hourly basis.
This isn't easy. I have doubts and fears coming out the wazoo (just what is a "wazoo" anyway?). The "what ifs" abound aplenty. But my God is still big. He is still in control. I am still His. I still just need to be still. I will do what He asks, because He is worth my everything...even when I'm scared to death.
The only part the was just a bit rough was the drive. On the way down, we drove straight through for twenty hours. I did more than my share of head-bobbing, and am pretty amazed that I made it without causing a 20 car pile up on the interstate. The trip back was made in two days, but wore me out, too.
The good thing about all that driving in a car with two girls that just don't talk much is that I had a lot of time to think and pray. You see, I always thought that when a person senses a calling from God on their life, that they would run with an open heart and hands to that calling without a single care in the world. I was very, very wrong about that. I cannot even count the times I have second guessed this decision to join Perspectives and to trust that God will provide the funds for me to do this ministry through His people. I go back and forth, sometimes on an hourly basis.
This isn't easy. I have doubts and fears coming out the wazoo (just what is a "wazoo" anyway?). The "what ifs" abound aplenty. But my God is still big. He is still in control. I am still His. I still just need to be still. I will do what He asks, because He is worth my everything...even when I'm scared to death.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
This is the Stuff
I guess you've heard the old saying, "If it isn't one thing....its twenty?!"
Other than being rather overwhelmed by the business of this transition between one job and another, I thought everything was floating along rather swimmingly. Then we came back from our trip, and all sorts of stuff hit the fan.
We were supposed to hit the ground running last Thursday. As soon as our plane landed, I needed to complete the final touches on my boot camp homework then run out to the Perspectives Fayetteville class that evening. Instead, I started feeling pretty cruddy on the plane, and decided I'd better just crash early and skip the class.
Friday morning I drug myself to the first 10-hour day of fund-raising boot camp, and spent the better part of the sessions coughing into my arm and just trying to stay awake. Friday night, I had the worst chills/sweats/fever I've ever experienced. I honestly thought I might have broken a rib during one violent episode of shaking. After a night like that, day two of boot camp just wasn't in the cards.
Saturday was spent in a semi-coma. I think I got up to go to the bathroom, but I can't be sure.
Sunday was intended to be spent in my new member training with the Frontier Missions Crew. Instead, I enjoyed a luxurious day of attempting to keep my lungs inside my body, rather than coughing them up on my bedside table.
By Monday, the second day of new member training, I was a disaster. If my dear hubby hadn't called me to say he'd made an appointment for me with our doctor, I was going to call and ask him to take me to the ER. A chest x-ray revealed no pneumonia, thank God, but I probably had a combination flu and secondary infection due to seasonal allergies. After a lovely shot in the posterior and a hefty prescription for antibiotics, I ventured back to my bed to pray for relief.
Praise God, last evening I actually felt human for the first time in five days. This morning, I was sitting up and typing, attempting to get caught up on life again, as my darling husband walked through the door with more news, "I have two flat tires."
Even though I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to make up the boot camp or the new member training, or where we're going to come up with the money to replace the tires, I still know that I'm making the right move. I'm just not so sure I want to know what stuff is next!
Other than being rather overwhelmed by the business of this transition between one job and another, I thought everything was floating along rather swimmingly. Then we came back from our trip, and all sorts of stuff hit the fan.
We were supposed to hit the ground running last Thursday. As soon as our plane landed, I needed to complete the final touches on my boot camp homework then run out to the Perspectives Fayetteville class that evening. Instead, I started feeling pretty cruddy on the plane, and decided I'd better just crash early and skip the class.
Friday morning I drug myself to the first 10-hour day of fund-raising boot camp, and spent the better part of the sessions coughing into my arm and just trying to stay awake. Friday night, I had the worst chills/sweats/fever I've ever experienced. I honestly thought I might have broken a rib during one violent episode of shaking. After a night like that, day two of boot camp just wasn't in the cards.
Saturday was spent in a semi-coma. I think I got up to go to the bathroom, but I can't be sure.
Sunday was intended to be spent in my new member training with the Frontier Missions Crew. Instead, I enjoyed a luxurious day of attempting to keep my lungs inside my body, rather than coughing them up on my bedside table.
By Monday, the second day of new member training, I was a disaster. If my dear hubby hadn't called me to say he'd made an appointment for me with our doctor, I was going to call and ask him to take me to the ER. A chest x-ray revealed no pneumonia, thank God, but I probably had a combination flu and secondary infection due to seasonal allergies. After a lovely shot in the posterior and a hefty prescription for antibiotics, I ventured back to my bed to pray for relief.
Praise God, last evening I actually felt human for the first time in five days. This morning, I was sitting up and typing, attempting to get caught up on life again, as my darling husband walked through the door with more news, "I have two flat tires."
Even though I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to make up the boot camp or the new member training, or where we're going to come up with the money to replace the tires, I still know that I'm making the right move. I'm just not so sure I want to know what stuff is next!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Homework in Paradise
I'll admit it...I'm procrastinating. I am sitting here in absolute paradise working on my fund-raising boot camp prep-work, and I just can't get over the beauty of my surroundings. I figured I'd better write about it and get it out of my system or I won't be able to focus on this intense Bible study for more than a couple of minutes.
I'm in Palm Springs, accompanying my husband on a business trip. We are staying at a resort that understands the true reason God created flowers...because they are colorful!!! Everywhere you turn there is an explosion of gorgeous color. On top of that, the orange trees are in full bloom, so everywhere you walk, you are enveloped in the heavenly scent of orange blossoms. The sun is shining, there's a slight breeze and fresh squeezed orange juice is available at every corner. The birds were singing this morning, but as I sit here working on my assignment, there is no music. This must be rectified! ALL of my senses need to be full to overflowing!
I turned on Pandora as I began my assignment of identifying my "calling." When the hard work of fund-raising begins to get me down, according to the text book, I will be tempted to question my calling. At exactly the moment I read that sentence, this song came on my JJ Heller Pandora station. As I sit here, trying to put my calling into words, I needed to hear these words. Thank you, Father, for always knowing what my heart cries out for.
I'm in Palm Springs, accompanying my husband on a business trip. We are staying at a resort that understands the true reason God created flowers...because they are colorful!!! Everywhere you turn there is an explosion of gorgeous color. On top of that, the orange trees are in full bloom, so everywhere you walk, you are enveloped in the heavenly scent of orange blossoms. The sun is shining, there's a slight breeze and fresh squeezed orange juice is available at every corner. The birds were singing this morning, but as I sit here working on my assignment, there is no music. This must be rectified! ALL of my senses need to be full to overflowing!
I turned on Pandora as I began my assignment of identifying my "calling." When the hard work of fund-raising begins to get me down, according to the text book, I will be tempted to question my calling. At exactly the moment I read that sentence, this song came on my JJ Heller Pandora station. As I sit here, trying to put my calling into words, I needed to hear these words. Thank you, Father, for always knowing what my heart cries out for.
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