An acquaintance of mine recently made the difficult decision to go into full-time ministry. She packed up her home and moved from the Dallas area up to the wonderful land of Fayetteville, AR to begin a new adventure with a local mission mobilization group.
Yesterday she posted on her facebook, "I put my house in Texas on the market this week and received two offers the very first day! Thank you God!!" Understandably, her facebook friends, including me, are very happy for her. I mean, that really is exciting and wonderful news.
What sucker-punched me was one person's comment, "Now that's God talking!"
It underlined everything I've been battling in my heart and mind about our own situation...watching our house sit empty with no interest at all for almost eight months now.
Last week, a friend posted their daily Bible reading from Lamentations 3, and one particular phrase really jumped out at me, "It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Deep, deep deeeeep sigh)
So as I lay there in bed last night, wrestling with thoughts like, "Why do you love her more than me?" or "Is this your way of saying we aren't supposed to be in this ministry?" I decided to just be quiet and wait for God to reveal Himself. I stilled my body and quieted my mind and intentionally focused on the attributes of God. I pictured myself sitting at His feet, listening and adoring. I was consumed with peace and reminded of the way I felt when I first fell in love with Him.
I do not need anything else from my Father than what He's already done. There is no hoop for Him to jump through. There is no wet fleece on my lawn. I don't even care what His plan is for my life. The ministry doesn't matter. Missions doesn't matter. He is all that matters, and for whatever reason...I am His.
I heard this song on the radio today, and some of the lines really struck home. I hope it speaks to you, too.
I'm tired of the sound of my own voiceAnd I'm weary of adding to the noiseAnd I'm fearful of missing the point of it all
I remember the way it used to beThe way this love felt like the first day of springAnd I want that back more than anything in the world
It's as cold as winter in my veinsBut I long to feel the summer rainCan you take me back to where it all began?
Jesus I comeCome to you againLike it was the first timeI came to you for new life
I need you nowAs much as I did thenI need a new beginningSo Jesus I am comingFor the first time again
I'm jaded from all that I have seenI'm bitter, but I don't want to beI'm believing, can you help my unbelief?
Sometimes I think I know too muchBut even then it's not enoughCan you take me back so I can move ahead?
Jesus I comeCome to you againLike it was the first timeI came to you for new life
I need you nowAs much as I did thenI need a new beginningSo Jesus I am comingFor the first time againFor the first time again
Take me deep inside the grace that forgetsInstead of down the well worn path of my regretsI'm older than I've ever beenCan you take me back and make me new again?
'Cause I need you now, as much as I did then
Jesus I comeCome to you againLike it was the first timeI came to you for new life
I need you nowAs much as I did thenI need a new beginningSo Jesus I am comingFor the first time againFor the first time againFor the first time
What's interesting is that I thought about you when I read that comment too. I've been keeping up with your house dilemma and have been heavy-hearted right along with you. I actually thought my friend's comment was a bit misleading.
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw it, I thought about the fact that I parent my children in very different ways. In any given situation, I respond differently with each child because I know the needs of my children are different. I might be lenient in a certain situation with one, and then the next day I'll be more stern with the other child in the same situation. It doesn't mean I love that child less, it just means that because I DO love them, I want to do what's best for them.
God's promised to supply all of our needs. Perhaps he thinks that this is what I needed in my particular circumstances and at this particular point in my life. And maybe he thinks your needs are best served in a different way.
He loves you, Monica. Be very sure of that!