My parents eventually divorced in the mid-seventies, and my Mom remarried a man who laid carpet and installed formica counter tops for a living. Their lifestyle now enjoyed a radically different type of party (much more fun, if you ask me).
I have vague memories of getting out the china, silver and stemware for very fancy events, some when I was tiny and others when I was older. I have good memories of my mother very carefully handing me one of these precious treasures and watching me as I tiptoed with it to the table, both of us holding our breath the whole time.
After many years collecting dust in a closet of my childhood home, all of the china and silver found its way to my dining room. My Mom generously shared these special things with me, and I was so incredibly grateful. However, I don't really use them any more than my Mom did.
While my mother did an amazing job of teaching me proper etiquette and which fork goes with which course, she did an equally amazing job of teaching me that people are more important than things. God has continued to teach me that lesson since I've left my mother's home. Through the years, I've had the opportunity to share these lovely items with many people who host special occasions and need a pretty table to show their guests how much they mean to them.
Today, as I polished the silver and wrapped it up carefully in the hand-sewn silvercloth pouches my mother custom made for each piece, I thought about the reasons she bought these items, the reason we both kept them, and what they've really meant in our lives. The truth is, right now I just don't have anywhere to store these material things. I also feel rather guilty even having them. They are SO nice and are such a luxury. But...they were my Mom's.
My Mom and I are now estranged. I left my childhood religion, and that religion requires shunning when someone leaves. I've come to terms with that, but it doesn't make me love my Mom any less. These precious, unnecessary, luxurious items are a connection to my mother. When I polish these pieces, I'm transported back to a time when we were close, and that makes me happy. I think its okay to keep them.
I stood at the sink for a couple of hours rubbing off the tarnish on the silver tea pots and trays and bowls and candle sticks, and decided I did need to get rid of some of it..but not all. I will keep some. As I buffed out the dark spots on the surface, I heard a song on the radio that made me think of all of my female friends who feel the same pressure I do to "be" what our culture says we should be...to have the things we're supposed to have...to look the way we're supposed to look. It made me think of my Mom and all that pressure she felt to be the perfect Navy wife, and my concerns with what people will think of me if they know I have such fancy material things, and my daughters who want to meet Mr. Right and one day have homes where they can have pretty things handed down from their mother and grandmother. I think of my friends who lost things in divorces and feel the pressure of providing for themselves. I think of the ladies in Honduras who have to sell themselves just to eat.
Anyway...this song (the CLEAN version, mind you) made me think of all the pressure that's been heaped on women, and how we just don't have to accept it. Our Heavenly Dad is crazy about us, and we need to remind each other of that every chance we get. So, here's to you, ladies! (BTW, I know this was originally done by Pink, but these two are really, really good!)
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