Idol Demolition

I am an incredibly passionate person.  I feel things very deeply.  I'm never just happy or just sad.  I am ecstatic or morose...no in between.  Even so, my level of rage lately has surprised me.  While I do tend to experience emotions-on-steroids, being so angry I find myself shaking is not typical.

I was warned that I would encounter spiritual warfare when we chose to go into full-time ministry.  I took those warnings seriously, but I wasn't necessarily prepared for the way the enemy would go about his first attack.  

I have always considered myself a very merciful and forgiving person. While my emotions do tend to explode out of my psyche at a somewhat alarming level, they fade just as quickly.  I'm like a roman candle, I suppose: lots of OOOHHH and AAAHHHH followed quickly by a darkened landscape devoid of even a tiny spark.

My normal ability to quickly recover from emotional diarrhea has left me questioning why I am unable to overcome my anger regarding long-term family relationships. I think perhaps these relationships have become idols.  Maybe I am demanding more of these relationships than they are actually designed to provide.

Satan absolutely loves it when we compare ourselves to other people.  He doesn't care if we think we're better than they are, or if we find ourselves helplessly inferior.  He is only concerned that we take our eyes off of Christ and fix them squarely on ourselves.  I have most definitely been guilty of that lately.

Lately I have been focused on the ways I am different than another person.  I cannot deny I am quite jealous of this person.  In human terms, all of these emotions are actually quite valid.  I have a right to feel what I am feeling, and there is considerable evidence that my emotions are not inappropriate for the situation.

However, given that I am a child of the King, that my worth and value are found in Him alone, I have no reason to continue to wallow in this vat of self-pity and misery.  There is only one reason I am hanging onto this fury: I am choosing to remain angry.

SO...I am tearing down this idol of the perfect family.  My value is not determined by the way another person treats me.  My worth is not found in the affections of a human.   My happiness does not depend on the actions of another.  My offer of forgiveness is not dependent on an apology.

God will be on the throne in my life.  Period.