You Don't Get a 20 Year Husband Without 20 Years of Work

Yesterday I was having a lovely conversation with an international student.  She is a wonderful young woman; brilliant, kind, gentle and honest.

She was telling me about her father, and I was quite struck by how similar he is to my husband.  They are both men who work tirelessly for their families.  Her father worked an overnight job for many years, and would, upon returning home in the morning, escort his children to school.  He is strict, but loving, and she knows he would do anything for his family.  Her description of her father included this phrase, "His family is the most important thing in his life."  I was so pleased to be able to say in response, without any hesitation, and in complete sincerity, "My husband is so like your father.  Faith and family are the most important things to him."

Later, I was reading a few social media posts and articles shared by young women I know.  These post were all about finding the right man or tips on relationships.  As often happens, I found myself reminiscing about my own marriage, and how it has blossomed through the years.

The truth is, I have a highly coveted thing: a great marriage; however, it hasn't been an easy journey.  If I could give young women one piece of relationship advice it would be this, "You don't get a 20 year husband without 20 years of work."

I know a LOT of young ladies who admire their fathers.  (I do know just as many who don't, but that's another blog post!)  These women know what a good man is supposed to look like.  They know because they've watched their daddy for years, and now that they're ready to commit their hearts to another man, they expect him to be like their Dad.  What they don't realize is, they didn't know their father when he was a 22 year-old kid just starting down his grown-up pathway.  They are comparing the young men they know to a man who has spent a lifetime making mistakes, climbing mountains, conquering demons, and loving one woman and their children.

That's just not a fair comparison.

Next time you see your mom, ask her what your dad was like when they first met.  Ask her about some of those times when she wished he would be the spiritual leader she pictured in their dreams or read about in the plethora of Christian relationship books on the shelves these days.  Ask her about those times when she thought he would never grow up, but she'd be stuck with a 12-year-old trapped inside a man's body forever.

Then talk to the moms of 20-something sons.  Ask her about the changes and growth she's seen in her boys.  Ask her about the prayers she's prayed through the years; prayers that her children would grow closer to the Lord and more responsible in their lives.  Ask her about the answers to those prayers through the years.

If you're feeling truly brave, talk to some young men about their moms.  Ask them about how good they cook, or how tender, loving and nurturing they are.  Ask them about how adept she is at taking care of her family and balancing all the various aspects of her very busy life.

How do you measure up?

One day, you will have a 20-year husband and father...One day... in about 20 years.  It is SO worth the time.  It is SO worth the effort.  It really is.