Silver Linings

Even when things seem so uncertain and confusing, God will send these surprises into our lives.

Our youngest daughter was awarded first chair at the All-State choir auditions last week.  Her voice is like Calgon...its just takes me away.  So, every once in a while, when the emotional roller coaster is a little more than I can take, I look up one of the videos her proud papa has filmed, and I watch one of my children.  Oh...didn't I mention that one of her siblings got second chair in the All-State Band on saxophone, and the other made third chair All-State band on flute.  I am so thankful God gave us the gift of music.

Wise Words from a Young Man

This morning I had a quick little online chat with my oldest son.  I told him that the only person more important to me than my husband and children is Christ.  I told him that I want my children to learn from me that God is our provider, and obedience to the Holy Spirit is worth any sacrifice.

He responded with this as his status on Facebook:


in Matthew 10:37-38 it says: 37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 


Christ himself gave up his very own family (both heanenly and earthly) and picked up the cross and died for us all. So how can we not be willing to pick up our cross, which is the will of God, and go where ever he sends us in this life.


We're gonna be alright.

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I can tell by your eyes that you're not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you're sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I believe you'll outlive this pain in you heart
And you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe
I believe

I did not come here to offer you clichÈ's
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It's going to be alright
We're gonna be alright
It's going to be alright

True Friends Tell You You're Being Dumb

On Tuesday nights I get together with a friend to pray for our husbands.  At least thats the premise.  We talk and pray about a lot more than that.  This friend is very wise, and I love how she can point out when I'm just being stupid...but she does it in such a way that I love her more for it.  That's a special talent, let me tell you, because I am not one to normally enjoy having my faults pointed out.

Tonight I was talking to her about all of the crazy thoughts going through my mind about my son and me raising support at the same time.  I rambled forever, as she sat with her head on her hand waiting for me to take a breath.  Finally, she cocked her head to one side, looked me in the eye and asked, "What would you be teaching your son if you gave up pursuing Perspectives while he's pursuing SBS?"  I answered, "To put your children ahead of yourself."  She didn't buy it.  "Is that REALLY what you'd be teaching him?"

Well, no...what I'd really be teaching him is to put earthly things ahead of the Holy Spirit.  I'd also be teaching him that God isn't big enough to provide for both of us (or at least he'd know that's what I believe is true.)

Man...I hate it when she's right.  But I love it, too.

We prayed about that....and our husbands, too.

I am at peace again, because God sent me a friend who calls a spade a spade.

God is big enough, and He is worthy of any sacrifice I must make for Him.   the end.

Clinging to this

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can, 

but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone, 

God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am 

because You're all I have

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me

I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, 
God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me...keep saving me.

The Other Shoe?

I try very, very hard to be a good little Christian.  I try to have a strong faith and think the right thoughts and say the right words and feel the right emotions.  But sometimes, I'm just a hot mess of confusion and anger and jealousy and mostly....fear.

My oldest son, who has spent the better part of his young life running away from God, finally gave himself up to his Savior while attending a Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS).  He spent three months learning about God's love for him and the nations, and then spent three months in Thailand, sharing this love with others.  He's just returned from Thailand and we chatted online last night.

Now, back in January, I specifically asked my son, "When you come back, do you think you'll need to raise support for anything else?"  He said he'd probably take some time to get re-grounded in the States and was planning to get a job.  Well, last night we were chatting about his plans upon his return, and he mentioned that any job he gets would only be for the summer because he had applied for the School of Biblical Studies with YWAM in the fall.  This is a nine month course for which he does, indeed, have to raise support.  Now what do I do?

You see, working for Perspectives is a dream of mine...but as has always been the case, my children come first.  Their goals, their dreams, their lives take precedence over mine.  God gave me these children to care for and nurture, and I take that very seriously.  I absolutely will not "compete" with my son for support.  We have the same family and a lot of the same friends.

My son, being fresh off of a mountain-top experience, said, "God will provide for both of us, Mom."  Like its no big deal.  Do I believe God can provide for both of us...Yes.  Do I trust that God will provide for both of us...No, not really.  I'd like to say that second part isn't true, but as much as I'd like to say that I simply don't trust our friends and family to support both of us (due to tough economic times...not for lack of love).  The truth is, God can do anything...so I can't pawn this off on humans and our insufficiencies.

I think in the back of my mind I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I'm just a wee bit cynical.  Is this a closed door?  Is my path now blocked?  I don't know.  Back on my knees again.

Doubts and Stuff

I'm currently a church administrator. I like my job.  A lot.  I love the people I work with and the people I work for.  Like any job it has its frustrations, but all-in-all, I really like what I do.

Lately I find myself questioning my sanity.  I have a job that I like.  I am able to be flexible with my hours, I know what I'm doing, I have a guaranteed paycheck, its very peaceful and relatively low-stress, I can even bring my dog into the office when the building is empty.  And I'm giving this up so I can start a new position where I don't really know anyone, I have no idea how to do anything, the hours are more structured....AND I have to raise part of my pay in support.  AM I NUTS?!!!!

Do you think the prophets questioned their sanity when God told them to do something?  I'll tell you, if it wasn't for Jonah, I might be hiding in my closet right now!  I'm not really in the mood to be vomited by a big fish anytime soon, so I'll keep pursuing Perspectives.  I KNOW that I know that I know this is where God wants me to be right now.  It just feels so crazy.

Black Outs and Back Ups

I really wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.   I had just finished have a nice lunch and catch-up session with my college sophomore daughter and had dropped off some paperwork for the new position.  I was sitting at a traffic light in my car, when all of a sudden, the world started spinning.  I could hardly see, and I started sweating.  I cranked the AC in my car to try to shock myself back into consciousness, but that was a bust.  As soon as the light turned green I headed for the closest parking lot, applied the brakes and shifted into park.  

My next memory is of a stranger banging on my window asking if I was okay.  I hadn't even remotely made it into a parking spot.  I was stopped in the middle of a small parking lot and was blocking traffic.  After assuring the kind stranger that I thought I was okay and didn't need to call 911, I got out of the car, walked around a bit, and then proceeded on my way to my office.  

As I began working on a couple of tasks, the nausea hit.  Blacking out followed by nausea is not good, even a medical misfit like me knows that.  So, I broke down and called the doctor.  He took me right away, and it turns out I have some swelling in my inner ear.  Sure enough, ever time I turn my head to the left, I'm back on the Tilt-a-Whirl and I'm about to blow.

This really isn't meant to be a medical update.  What I was hoping to convey is that God had my back today.   I've been feeling a little desperate lately about all the changes we're about to face, and the fact that I made it off the road before I blacked out helped to reassure me that God is going to take care of us. No matter what.